Eureka!

With this painting I feel like I have finally found something that I have been desperately in search of for years. It was so unexpected, like turning over a rock by accident and finding a gemstone. I have been working and working and then boom everything came together; a meaningful idea, a satisfying methodology and successful visual painting elements. Also it seemed independent of my own desires and mood. I was feeling rather lousy about myself and just about everything and then this idea for a painting just came and worked. I plan to do a series of this idea and if that starts to happen, then I will explain the meaning more clearly. I don't want to jinx it all just yet.
I do find comfort in that artistic success comes from consistent work and not from personal happiness or state of mind. I have rediscovered that drawing in a sketchbook is very important to my process. Not to get a blueprint for a painting, but to put shapes into my visual memory. So that when I am painting, I can just be free to paint and not feel I have to be tied to any reference. I also think I will have to have a new motivation to get work done, like a ritualistic schedule instead of a frenzied search. I observed in Korea that the way people did tasks had to be like worship for them. How else could you be at peace cleaning a sidewalk with tiny brushes or trimming shrubbery to immaculate perfection?